Memory Keeping
My brain has stopped growing. It really has. My psychiatrist confirmed this fact. Apparently, I have reached the age that this happens. As a result of my brain reaching full maturity, I have become a very introspective person. I find myself reflecting on my own life suprisingly often. I'm on the verge of many big life changes. Marriage, motherhood, home ownership. I don't k now when these changes will happen, I'm 27 now, but oddly, I am not at a point where those things are possible. Marriage? Yes. Motherhood and my first house? Not yet. In fact, I'm finding it hard to even think of myself as an adult. Could it really be time for my 10 year high school reunion? I marvel over the passage of time. What do you mean they have a 10 year anniversary dvd edition of Titanic? It was just recenlty that my temporary best friend in high school and I were swooning over that movie in the theater. I'm confused that nobody checks my i.d. anymore. I should still look 18.
My favorite kind of music is the music from the 90s that made an impression on me during the years that would help shape my adult persona. I always turned a deaf ear to the 'weird' music my mom made me listen to growing up. It's only now, as an adult, that I can appreciate my mom's love of oldies. The music that was popular in her 'day'.
Nostalgia strikes my heart very easily. The smell when the furnace first kicks on brings the feeling of being at home with my parents during the Christmas season. Warm rays of sun through a window on a cool day flashes me back to waking up on Thanksgiving morning and feeling the warmth of being at home with my family. So many other examples come to mind. Music is a huge trigger of nostalgia for me. So much so, that I have burned several compilation c.d.s that I have dubbed "Sarah's Nostalgia Series". These are full of songs that take me back to different times and places. These places aren't necessarily worth revisiting, but, for the duration of the songs, I can truly feel that I am back...then. Whenever or wherever 'then' may be.
I don't know that my future husband, J.P., understands this desire of mine to look back and meditate on time gone by. I worry that my need to journal through these reflections will be misinterpreted. After all, shouldn't I be able to tell him anything and everything?
I wonder if this fascination with my past will fade away. I can only imagine what raising my own children will do for my desire. After all, time will always move forward, new things will happen all the time, and I will be here to process it all through a brain that has stopped growing.
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